How Many is Too Many?

For homework last night, we were assigned to organize our Facebook friends into three categories: Primary Group, Secondary Group, and Unknown. I based my groupings as such: Those in the Primary Group were people I regularly talk to and would not hesitate to hangout with, Secondary Group people were those I would say "Hi" to if I saw them in public, and Unknowns are the people I would probably ignore in public, should I even recognize them at all.

My numbers were startling. Out of 1,136 friends, only 50 of them I considered to be in the Primary Group. Less than 5%. The people in this group were my family members and best friends. The Secondary Group, the largest of the three groups, contained 655 people. This included the girls I talk to in school, people I frequently see out but don't consider my good friends, people I used to be close with but have drifted from, family members I don't see, and people that live far away but with whom I hope to keep in contact. And finally, the Unknown Group contained 411. (I know the numbers don't add up, I must have missed a few people. Hopefully they were Primaries.) This group contained the people I have honestly just never heard of, the girls at IHA that I am friends with although we have never spoken, and people that I have never met in person but we "just know" one another.

I noticed a few things while doing this exercise. First: How quick I was to immediately place someone in the Secondary Group. I knew exactly who my Primaries were, and was not willing to exaggerate my friendship with someone to put them there, so anyone who missed the cut was a Secondary. But then, there were the people who I didn't actually know, but felt like I did just through "liking" one another's posts on Facebook or, admittedly, stalking, that I was inclined to put in my Secondary Group, as well. I hesitated before each of these people to realize that I, in fact, had never even met them (so they were ultimately placed in the Unknown Group).

As we talked about in class, these acquaintances have always been present; we just haven't had the opportunity to categorize them. Now, the people-we-meet-at-a-party-and-talk-to-for-a-few-minutes people are labelled as "friends" and you actually have the opportunity to keep in contact with them (or just stalk them) if you so choose.

What does this mean for my friendships (and probably most Facebook friendships in 2012)? I have realized that social media gives me, and others, a false sense of intimacy with the people we are friends with. We may feel closer to those we have never met, or only met a few times, but how could we not when we are constantly being updated with what parties they are going to, what boys they are dating, and what is going on in their family life? But, despite the sense that we are growing closer to the people around us, I think this is a fallacy. The time spent on social media is taking away from face-to-face interactions, and it doesn't take much anymore for us to consider the people in our secondary groups somewhat close friends.